I Am a Perfectionist

I have been reading this book called "I Blame Eve" (I will be doing a blog post on this book once I finish), but anyways there was one chapter that I just read talking about... perfection. It was just what I needed to hear. I am a perfectionist.

I would say I have always been a control freak, a clean freak, a organization freak, a perfectionist. I like to have my bed made a certain way, ingredients measured a certain way, things cooked a certain way, I could go on forever. I never really thought of this as a bad thing until very recently. I have started noticing that instead of enjoying cooking or baking with my boyfriend I am always worried about if he is doing things my way. I am always watching to make sure he measured the vanilla right or something silly like that. Then if he didn't I would get upset and demand I do it myself and suddenly our baking date included him on the couch and my doing everything my way. Instead of enjoying the act of baking or whatever it is, I find myself worried about people not doing things my way. Silly right? But it can be a serious problem.

Perfection can make for many arguments because instead of looking at the bigger picture and enjoying what is happening one can get stuck in the details. If something does not go right or how I like it then it ruins my mood. Well, they didn't put the honey back where I put it so clearly my world is coming to an end. Then that can lead to a bitter attitude towards that person and then an argument because my world is no longer perfect.

Alright now lets take a step back and take about what I just mentioned. A perfect world! Oh what an amazing thought. To picture a world that is perfect. No unfolded laundry, no messy rooms, no more pain, fear or worry. No more striving to be perfect. News flash the world once was perfect! The Garden of Eden. In the garden God created everything to live in harmony. There was nothing wrong. It was a paradise that we, His creation, were supposed to live in. Close to Him, so close we could even see and hear Him wandering around the garden. If we had a question we could just go over and ask God. WOW. It sounds amazing. If only we actually got to experience this. But news flash again our chances of that got ruined the moment Eve listened to temptation and bit the apple. (I am not going to get into that in this post but if you would like to read about that story go to the first book of the Bible, Genesis! There you can read about the story of Adam and Eve.)

Anyways in this book "I Blame Eve" it talks about how we were designed for this perfect world but because of sin it got "taken" away from us. So ever since the fall of sin we, as a creation, have been striving to reach that perfect world again. We want perfection. If we can't get a perfect world then a perfect house will do. Perhaps a perfect body, family or job will fill the gap. Or maybe food will make us feel better. Sorry my friends but that is wrong. That is yet another lie from the enemy that he has tricked us into believing. Our chances of perfection on this earth are gone and until we get to heaven we will not experience our perfect world. But one thing I know that is perfect and I know that we have access to is Jesus's love. His love is perfect and through Jesus we can have it. He wants to give us His love and guess what? This WILL fill that gap. This WILL fill your life and heart until you are over flowing.

How does this tie into being a perfectionist? Well if we stop with our obsessing, worrying, list making (oh how I love my lists), perfecting and focus that attention and time on Jesus we really will get fulfilled. That urge to clean and hover over those who are to make sure they are doing it right can be replaced with the love of Jesus, We are not called to worry and work away this life trying to make it perfect. But rather fall head over heels in love with Jesus and accept His perfect love that He is offering. If something does go wrong we don't have to let it ruin us or our day.

So here is a practical example of how I am trying to do this. One of my really bad habits is to monitor Levi's speed when he is driving. A couple days ago he was telling me some exciting news while he was driving. Since he was excited he wasn't like 100% focused on driving and was going like 10 under the speed limit. My blood began to boil, my heart began to race, I couldn't focus on what he was even saying I was just so focused and annoyed that he wasn't driving the speed limit. But instead of interrupting him with a bitter tone and telling him to speed up (like I have done in the past) I decided to not let this ruin me. I took a deep breath, told myself he would figure it out eventually and even if he didn't it wasn't a big deal, and i listened to his story. sure enough when he was done he sped up a little because he noticed he was going slower. Woohoo! That was a huge victory for me. I didn't let my urge for perfection take over. But instead I could just enjoy life. I know that may have sounded silly to some but for my fellow perfectionists you get me! That was a victory for me!

All week I have been very intentional in moments like that to remind myself to relax and breathe. And it has been one of the most enjoyable weeks! I can just let go and have fun! I am a lot happier than when I am not focused on perfecting. I trust that eventually I will not have to consciously think about relaxing and breathing but instead it will come naturally. But for now I remind myself a lot throughout the day and that is okay! So friends I want to challenge you to try this! Next time you are about to freak out because your lunch was made wrong or someone didn't clean the kitchen right just take a step back, breathe, remind yourself this is not the end of the world and enjoy what is going on around you. I belive we will all be a lot happier if we leave the perfection for heaven. Have a happy week friends!

XOXO

Maggie